Coleslaw
By Daniel L. Cole '98
Well, I was going to write about the Lady Diana/Mother Theresa Murder Conspiracy and how Britain’s trying to reconquer India (which according to RISK (tm) would best be accomplished by going through Northern Europe to Ukraine to Afghanistan to India), but then I thought some people might get offended so I chose something to appease the unimportant minority: everyone is created equal, but people over 18 are more equal than the rest.

Oppression of minors- we see it everyday. Minors can’t vote, can’t acquire credit cards, can’t run for public office, can’t drink, can’t go into Adult World, can’t choose to be taken off a respirator, etc. etc. etc. Just yesterday I heard about some people going to see a sneak preview of L.A. Confidential. Their ages were checked THREE TIMES- when they bought the tickets, when they presented their tickets, and when they were SITTING IN THE THEATER! The first two times were no problem, but several people were ejected the third time. Who would make the better judgment of whether or not the movie would be appropriate: the people viewing the movie, or some pizza-faced, voice-cracking, greaseball usher?

Minors hold opinions! Minors must be permited a voice in what they can and can’t do! How can the victims of the movie incident help to avoid future incidents if they can’t vote? Why is it that a 35 year old delinquent with no education and no knowledge of politics has the right to vote, but a 17 year old with an intimate knowledge of the workings of the government has to sit idly by and watch as his decisions are made for him? There’s GOT to be a better way to run things.

If you agree, please send $5 to the Dan Cole Foundation for the Financial Security of Dan Cole.

USELESS FACT OF THE ISSUE:
"Steeeeeerrrr-ike!"
A bowling pin need only tilt 7.5 degrees to fall over.