SIGNORE'S SUMMER REVIEW:
"The Good, the Bad, and the Stupid"

By Andy Signore '98
All summer long you've probably been asking yourself, What did Signore think of that movie? Well, for all of you out there who were dying to know, I've compiled short reviews of almost all of the summer flicks, what was good, what was okay, and what just so bad.

Well, I'm sure you all saw The Lost World: Jurassic Park, and I'm sure you all felt the same way... boring! It was a complete copy of the first film, and not nearly as exciting. Sure the effects were great, and that T-Rex stomping through San Diego was awesome, but that story was just so lame. I would have rather seen the Dinos rampaging the city the entire film. I guess I'll just have to wait until Godzilla.

After that disappointment, I saw another. Batman and Robin, holy waste of time! The story was weak, the villains weren't very thrilling and Robin (Chris O'Donnell) was a total idiot. George Clooney as Batman wasn't bad, but he wasn't great either.

Hoping my bad luck would run out, I went to see Speed 2: Cruise Control; unfortunately for me, it continued. I just couldn't buy that Sandra Bullock, would find a new boyfriend who works in the same place her last one worked. The villain had no point, and the action was all shown in the trailer.

After those three losers, I saw Con Air, sure Nicholas Cage looked like he just got back from a Springer episode, and the plot was very unrealistic, but compared to the other so-called "summer blockbusters," I was satisfied enough to recommend it. John Malkovich, like always, is the man.

In my opinion, Cage was much better in Face/Off. Sure it was very unrealistic, but I still had fun watching it. It was different, and for that I recommend it. The action stunts were cool, but the drama could have been better. Cage and Travolta were as believable as could be in such a crazy premise.

After those films, I got back into Alien-mode and saw Men in Black. I thought is was very funny. The effects were great, but what was even greater was how seriously it took itself. A true summer comedy. Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones and Vincent D'Onofrio were all excellent.

After MIB, I saw Contact, which in my opinion is the year's best film so far. It has amazing camera work, wonderful acting by Foster, and a very thought provoking story. The only thing I found disappointing was Matthew McConaughy's role as the "spiritual advisor" to the president, and his love affair with Foster. Otherwise, I recommend it highly.

Another film I recommend highly is Air Force One. It is without a doubt the best action film of the summer. Gary Oldman is great, Harrison Ford is greater. Very cool, very fun, very intense and very well made.

Unfortunately, I can't say the same for Conspiracy Theory. I enjoyed the idea of a cab driver who had all of these theories, and then as it turns out, one of them is right. He just doesn't know which one it is. But somewhere in the middle Mel Gibson's character and the rest of the film just lose it. The film begins to get real complicated, when it didn't have to. Still, it's a decent renter for all you conspiracy fans out there.

Another disappointment was Spawn, a very weak attempt to bring the clever comic book to life. Filled with to much heavy metal music, and sound effects, the film ends up not really going anywhere, while all we're left to enjoy are the special effects, which I guess were pretty cool.

Even cooler are the action scenes in Jackie Chan's Operation Condor. It's your typical fun Jackie Chan flick. It seems that in every film he does, the stunts seem to be getting cooler and cooler. But this time around, aside from the action, it gets very annoying when his female partners end up whining throughout the entire film.

Another film that gets annoying is Hercules. It's your typical Disney cartoon where the good guy triumphs over evil. But this time it gets so overly sweet and good hearted you may just want to kill someone.

Out to Sea is sweet and good hearted too, but it's Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau. They are much easier to deal with then Hercules. Out to Sea manages to still get a few laughs from it's Grumpy Old Men format. It's not nearly as good as the original Old Men, but it has it's moments. Brent "Data" Spiner as the villain and Matthau doing a rumba, make it work the price of renting.

Another performance worth renting is Samuel L Jackson's in 187, a much grittier and darker version of Dangerous Minds. Thought provoking and interesting if you enjoy those class room dramas.

Then there's Event Horizon the so-called "scariest movie of the year." I will say it made me jump in my seat a few times, but only because the decibel level in the theater went from one to ten in less than a second. Its your typical movie where the cast walks around a dark scary looking space ship and never think about turning on any lights or to even look behind them. Aside from some visual aspects, it's a complete bore.

An actor that's usually always a bore is Stallone. He has been raved by critics for his dramatic turn as the overweight local sheriff in Copland. His performance isn't bad, but it isn't great either, and I think that's safe to say about the entire film. Some good acting scenes and some weak slow scenes. If you want to see a good cop/mob movie, I recommend a film that opened earlier this year, Donnie Brasco. If the scene with Johnny Depp in the Japanese restaurant doesn't pull some of your nerves, there must be something wrong with you.

And finally, we come upon Mimic starring Mira Sorvino, which also seems to be getting raves from critics. You'd think a movie about giant cockroaches in the sewers of New York city would keep in the tradition of say Scream or Anaconda, by making fun of itself a bit. But for some reason it does the complete opposite by trying to be a serious drama. With scenes like Sorvino reaching her hand into a deep dark hole in the sewer to grab a flashlight she dropped, or to a scene where a kid finds a huge cockroach egg in the sewer and decides to cut open, I couldn't help but laugh at this movie's stupidity.