Coleslaw
By Daniel L. Cole '98
Well- we're back to school. Everywhere, I hear parents singing "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year." Why have we come back? Why have we left behind three months of summer fun for nine months of agonizing toil (although, summer vacation was originally intended to provide time for children to assist on the farm during the grueling summer months)? I am sure I don't know. I assume it's to receive an education, but what would best benefit us to learn?

Leo Tolstoy best laid out the basic questions that should be answered in War and Peace: "What is wrong? What is right? What must one love? What must one hate? What is the purpose of life, and what am I? What is life, and what is death? What is the Power that directs all things?" Are we taught the answers to these questions by any formal schooling? Nooooo.... we're left to discover them for ourselves, and instead learn about quadratic equations, tariff acts, heat of vaporization, etc. Granted, for some people these are very important lessons, but a mathematician doesn't need to know a thing about tariff acts, and a politician could care less what the heat of vaporization is of water.

At what point does a student know what he'd like to pursue in life so he can put aside the relatively useless studies? If someone knows that he dislikes math to the point where the mere thought of a career involving even the most basic arithmetic causes him to retch, should he not be exempt from it? If I were to choose a schedule that catered completely to my interests, it would look something like this: a period of RISK(tm), with an additional lab three times per rotation, break, 30 minutes of watching an episode of the Simpsons followed by 15 of discussion, a class on nuclear submarines, Spanish 5H/Russian 1 (which would alternate very other day), free-lunch-free. This would adequately prepare me for my dream career as a drifter in several non-English speaking countries.

My point is, how can we hope to find our own answers to Tolstoy's questions if we don't have the freedom to explore the areas where the answers lie for each of us? Gap is holding a Back To School sale, but why don't I see any shirts marked down 20% in celebration of Back To Education?

USELESS FACT OF THE ISSUE:
Everyone loves a Slinky!
If you stretch a standard Slinky out flat it measures 87 feet long.